I asked my husband, “What do we do now?!”

Below is a review of How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children from Mommy’s Memorandum.  babyhospital


When we rolled out of the hospital with our first born, the nurse left us on the curb with our baby… that’s it.  I asked my husband, “What do we do now?!”  Babies don’t come with instruction manuals, and sometimes as a parent, I let life get in between my precious children and me.  How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children is a gentle reminder of behaviors that will support a child’s five critical emotional needs.  I need a reminder to think of my vocation as Mom as a profession!  I often remind myself that as a classroom teacher, I was sometimes more patient, respectful, and loving of a stranger’s child than I am to my own.  It makes me sad, but I know that my realization of this makes me a better mom.  I love my kids (who doesn’t?) and I want them to grow into really awesome adults and citizens of our great country.  How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children is a book that helped me and will hopefully help you or a parent or a teacher that you know to get to know children for whom they are and for whom they will become as an individual!

how to raise emotionally healthy children

Each chapter provides examples of behaviors that will support (and not support) those emotional needs.

The first need is that a child needs to be respected.  For a child to fee respected, he needs to be treated in a courteous, thoughtful, attentive and civil manner.  Children are, after all, individuals that deserve the same courtesy and consideration that we give to others

A child needs to feel important.  She needs to know she has value and that she is useful.  As parents we need to give our children power and teach them that they are SOMEBODY.

Children need to feel accepted as individuals in their own right, in their own uniqueness.  This means that children have a right to their own feelings, opinions, ideas, concerns, wants and needs.

The fourth critical emotional need is that a child needs to feel included.  Children need to feel they belong, to feel a part of things, to feel connected to other people, and to have a sense of community.

Lastly, children need to feel secure.  Security means creating a positive environment where people care about one another and show it.  There needs to be enough structure to exist for children to feel safe and protected and where they have opportunities to actively participate in their own evolution and that of the family.  Dr. Newmark poses a scenario of the parents always bickering; how does this make a child feel?  In order to provide security, Dr. Newmark suggests creating traditions and rituals that the child can grow to depend on.

Dr. Newmark gives so many situations to help exemplify a positive, respectful environment and hurtful behaviors that smash children’s feelings.  For instance, a woman relays that when she was a teen, her parents treated her room as if it were her home.  They knocked before entering, allowed her to decorate as she pleased, and never criticized the room’s appearance.  Dr. Newmark is realistic enough to know that this is not the norm, but he is gentle in his approach to helping (us) parents know how to fix the problem.  He tackles situation after situation that many of us have encountered on a daily basis and teaches us the best way to handle it and how the poor behavior will impact the child.

Parenting is probably the most important and most difficult responsibility any one of us might have in a lifetime.  Ironically, it’s rare that parents set aside time to question how well they are doing.  In our careers, we make conscious decisions, we have a game plan, we become a student of our own behavior, and we have an experimental attitude.  As parents, we should adopt this same level of professionalism to our role at home.  Changing habits or adopting new habits is not easy.  How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children actually gives parents a game plan to help them make the transition from concept to action!

This book is more like a workbook that will guide parents to reflect on their parenting skills and what they believe about parenting and help them to become STRONGER parents.  Dr. Newmark has even written a chapter that goes through those rough obstacles that we all encounter.  I know that as a parent, my skills crash to the ground as soon as I feel that I have over-extended myself.  This happens quite a bit as a home schooling mom to four lovely darlings.  I have to step back, reflect, and prioritize what is happening in my life at that moment.  What a simple task with monumental rewards!

The thing to remember is that families need to create a sense of community, and to be involved with one another:  DO THINGS TOGETHER!  Preparation for meeting a child’s emotional needs should begin in pregnancy and continue once the child is born, but it’s never too late to start adopting the five critical needs and making positive changes in your family.

Next to family, schools have the greatest influence in meeting the five critical needs of children.  The Children’s Project is a grassroots, non-commercial effort, by Dr. Gerald Newmark and Deborah Newmark designed to help schools meet the five critical needs of children.  As children experience what it is like to feel respected, important, accepted, included, and secure and these needs become a home and school value, the kids are more likely to become self-confident, independent, thinking, caring, civic-minded individuals.

How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children is available in paperback and ebook in both English and Spanish.

***Visit us at The Children’s Project, LIKE us on Facebook, or follow us on on Twitter!***

 

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A Refreshing Perspective from a Daddy Blogger

From the first moments we see our children (and hold them in our arms), we want to make sure that we are doing whatever we can to give them the best shot at a healthy, happy life.

            -Don, DaddyNewbie.com

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This is how Don from DaddyNewbie.com begins his review of How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children on his blog.

He goes on to say about the Five Critical Emotional Needs identified in the book, “Dr. Newmark also does a really good job of discussing why all these things are essential for every child, what you can do to ensure that these needs are met, and how these factors evolve through the growth and development of every child.”

Don’s conclusion?

 I highly recommend adding this book to your arsenal of resources.

It was refreshing to read a review from the perspective of a father. Don talks about his experiences and uses metaphors that some fathers (AND mothers) might be more likely to relate to. To see some examples, read the rest of Don’s review HERE!

Don is from St. Louis, Missouri  a father of two, and the Founder & CEO of DaddyNewbie.com

How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children is available in paperback and ebook in both English and Spanish.

***Visit us at The Children’s Project, LIKE us on Facebook, or follow us on on Twitter!***

“Go to church, never get in trouble, & father always knows best?”: An ’emotionally healthy’ book review & giveaway

A book review of How
to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children
from Far from
Camelot

Part of the reason I
accepted this book to review was because I felt like I did not
receive an emotionally healthy upbringing.

My childhood was nourished in a bubble of fantasy – to
this day my parents refuse to accept the reality of today’s
society. They grew up in the idyllic 1950′s and they raised me in
that same atmosphere as well. They had three rules: go to church,
never get in trouble, and father always knows best.

20130807-081755.jpg This is all fine and dandy until the child becomes
a teenager with a will of her own. What do you do when you want to
break out of your sheltered existence to experience the real world
but your parents tell you their experiences ended negatively so you
must stay inside where it is safe? I was never trusted, always
guilty until proven innocent. Eventually I got tired of fighting
for my innocence and the opportunity to enjoy the fun of a
teenager’s life. I didn’t get into drugs or get knocked up at 16,
but I did do a lot of other stupid stuff. Stuff that is really
child’s play in the world of today’s teenagers. At one point my
parents took me to see a therapist, who sided with them in every
instance, in hopes that I would “see the errors” of my ways. Oh
yeah, that sure happened! Continue
reading for full review and book giveaway!
Our
book How
to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children
is
available from Amazon paperback
and in both English and
Spanish.
***As always, you can visit us at The Children’s
Project
website, LIKE us on Facebook,
or follow
us
on on Twitter!***

LOVE is an action word

20130801-215310.jpg
In How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children, Dr. Gerald Newmark defines the five critical emotional needs of children – and parents, too – as:

    The need to feel INCLUDED
    The need to feel RESPECTED
    The need to feel IMPORTANT
    The need to feel ACCEPTED
    The need to feel SECURE

Perhaps you have asked yourself, “What about love? Why hasn’t love been included as one of the five critical needs of children?” It was omitted purposefully, not because it lacks importance—on the contrary, it is extremely important—but rather because the word “love” has lost some of its force and meaning through overuse and misuse.

In many cases, saying the words “I love you” has become trite, meaningless, or confusing. In a scene from the movie Nuts, a conversation takes place between a mother and her estranged daughter: The mother says to the daughter, “You know we love you sweetheart, don’t you? Didn’t we always tell you we loved you?” To which the daughter replies angrily, “Love? What do you know about love? You told me you loved me, but you never showed me you did.” Yes, there is a difference.

There are parents who abuse or neglect their children and then say, “I love you,” thinking it makes up for their behavior. Too often, love is equated with saying “I love you.” If saying “I love you” were enough, we might not have such a high divorce rate. Marriages don’t break up because a spouse stops saying “I love you.” They break up because spouses quit treating each other in a loving way.

Most parents love their children or so we assume. However, we cannot assume from this that most parents act in a loving way. Dr. Newmark’s answer to “What about love?” is that loving your child is essential and saying “I love you” is important, but neither is sufficient unless you act in a loving way. That is why he defines “acting in a loving way” as relating to children in ways that make the child feel respected, important, accepted, included, and secure—that’s the best way to say, “I love you.”

Our book How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children is available from Amazon in paperback and Kindle ebook in both English and Spanish.

***As always, you can visit us at The Children’s Project website, LIKE us on Facebook, or follow us on on Twitter!***